


blood makes noise

by janie_tangerine



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, HIV/AIDS, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Past Abuse, Safer Sex, really this is more fluff than angst though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1813723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"How do you do it? I mean, I’ve known you for all my life and I think I can safely guess if you mean something or not. I know that when you say that it doesn’t matter you mean it, but - fuck, Robb, it has to matter. You’re not that stupid.”</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>"It matters, but not as much as you think. It’s that - all right. Regardless of what your father thinks, you’re a person who happens to have a virus, not a walking time bomb that might explode at any second and infect everyone else. Fine. It changed some things. It’s always going to affect them one way or the other. Meanwhile, you’re still the same idiot who came to sleepovers in my room when we were seven and couldn’t put on a couple of socks for his cold feet and who still can’t, and who should fucking learn how to use the dishwasher - if that isn’t making me regret my choices, then nothing will.”</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>Theon can’t help punching him in the side at that, even if he’s doing it just so that Robb doesn’t notice how relieved he actually feels.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	blood makes noise

**Author's Note:**

> And for the chapter titled 'in between AO3 being glitchy and having been out of town I totally lost track of how much stuff I crossed off my throbb week list', have a kink meme fill that I wrote too much time ago and never gotten around to polish/repost.
> 
> The prompt was _modern setting where after being with Ramsay, Theon contracts HIV. he is now in a great relationship with his best friend Robb but is unwilling to risk Robb getting sick too, so they haven't slept together yet. fill the story with Theon going to the doctor or the pharmacy, a late-night conversation between the two friends about HIV, protected!sex and Robb telling Theon it'll be okay ... fill it with whatever, but please make it emotional._ I tried to comply as much as possible. Also back when writing it I did my fair share of research about current treatments, how the British health care system works in these cases and I read as many reports as I could find by people that actually either were taking said medication or were living with others who did - so I hope this doesn't have blatant inaccuracies or that it reads too unrealistic.
> 
> The title is from Suzanne Vega and goes unsaid that nothing belongs to me.

1.

“You can stop pulling that face, you know.”

“What?”

“You look as if you were expecting me to tell you that you have three months left.”

Fine, maybe Theon had been expecting that or something equally bad, but it’s the first visit since he started on the HAART regimen and it took him long enough to actually take the decision. Then again, better not to push his luck - two years with his CD4 count not going below 400 since his tests came back with _positive_ written on top of the sheet were a lot in the first place. He has no clue of what to expect. He sighs and looks up at his doctor - her name is Brienne and she’s handling the results of the last tests he made, six months after starting the treatment.

“So they’re… good?”

“Yes, they’re good. You’re at the same level as when you started, which is exactly the way it should be. Now, did these give you any side effects that I should know of?”

“The first couple of weeks I was nauseous and I had more headaches than usual, but it was on the information sheet. They went away after though, and I didn’t get them again.”

“Just that?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. You will call if something changes, right?”

“…. You think that I wouldn’t?”

She smiles and shakes her head. “Well, let’s say that I have the impression that you’re the kind of guy who would rather suffer in silence than ask for help, or am I wrong?”

He has to give it to her - she’s got him pegged down. “Let’s say that you would have been right a year ago or so.”

“Someone has been trying to convince you that it’s actually what you should do?”

He knows he flushes for a moment as he answers. “Well, you could put it like that. I suppose.”

“Good for you. I mean it - if you get other side effects before the next time we’re scheduled to see each other call me, all right? You started on this early, which is good. If you’ve spent five months taking those meds without serious problems then it’s even better and, frankly, you lucked out - it doesn’t always happen that we guess the right ones at the beginning. Now, can I give you some advice?”

“Isn’t that what you’re there for?”

“Point taken.” She hands him back his tests results, grabs her pad and writes his prescription down - she has a nice handwriting. Probably the only doctor he’s ever met whose handwriting he could decipher at once. She tears out the piece of paper and hands it over to him. “Now, that’s your prescription for the next six months. Get out of here, go restock if you need to, get back home, watch a movie or relax or anything that won’t make you fret over this, spend the next six months doing exactly what you’ve done until now, and you’ll be as fine as it gets. And if there are any problems, call. Got it?”

“Got it.” He folds the prescription and puts it in his wallet, next to his old one. Years ago he’d have laughed if someone had told him he would be forced to do things neatly - years ago, he’d have probably shoved it into his pocket. Not anymore. “And meanwhile, can I give you some other totally irrelevant advice? Well, not relevant to my CD4 count.”

“Please, go ahead.”

“You know the blonde bloke in pediatrics with a bad sense of humor who’s also conveniently perching around here during most of his breaks?”

“How do you know that he does that?”

“Please. I’ve been around this office long enough when we started, didn’t I? Well, he’s totally into you. You should ask him out.”

Her homely face goes red at once, her eyes widening for a moment, and then she scowls at him - and fine, with the fact that she has fifteen centimeters on him and that she’s a lot larger, for a moment she almost looks threatening.

“Jaime Lannister isn’t into anyone, me especially,” she replies as she leans back on the chair. “And it’s not your business anyway. Go, I’ll see you in six months.”

He grins before grabbing his coat. “I’d still ask him out, if I were you.”

“Right. And is the person who’s trying to convince you that asking for help isn’t such a bad thing that cute redhead that came with you when I gave you the first prescription?”

“How did you -”

“Please, it was obvious that he’s _totally into you_. Go home and watch a movie,” she says, and Theon is about to follow the advice, except that maybe he shouldn’t have brought this up because now he maybe wants to ask her something he hadn’t planned on.

“Spill,” she says a moment later. “I know that look.”

“Uhm, it’s just - about _that cute redhead_.”

“Yes?”

“We - we haven’t really had sex until now. And - he’s only asked once a couple of months ago and I said no and he didn’t anymore, but I think he wants to, and I’m just - I’m really not sure.”

“You aren’t sure because you don’t want to, or you aren’t sure because you don’t want him to risk getting sick?”

“Does that make a difference?”

“Well, yes. As you can guess my love life might not be that exciting -”

“It could be, he’s totally -”

“ _Theon Greyjoy_ , my love life might not be that exciting, but I think I can safely say that there is a bloody difference. No one forces you to sleep with someone if you don’t want it. But if it’s just that and you actually both want to, well, there are plenty of ways to do it without risking anyone else coming here to ask me for a prescription. You don’t have to let that rule your life, you know. If you’re not sure then you obviously need to think it through, but when you’ve done it, don’t take that into account and discuss it with him. I’m pretty sure he’s responsible enough to at least buy some condoms.”

Theon doesn’t even attempt to convince her to ask the guy out for the last time and gives her a nod before putting on his coat and scarf and leaving the clinic. He’s not going home yet, regardless of what she said, but his visit was scheduled during his shift at work and he switched to get the one after and he’s not going to miss hours if he can. He looks at his wristwatch - he can drop by the pharmacy and restock on meds, he has enough time.

_It went good_ , he tells himself as he walks towards the bus stop. _Stop worrying. It went good. You’re fine. Well, as fine as it gets. The results were in the norm. It didn’t make things worse. You aren’t even getting side effects. Stop worrying and go buy the fucking meds._

2.

He feels ridiculous. He has never in his life spent ten minutes staring at the shelf full of condom packets in the pharmacy - _before_ , he wouldn’t have even blinked.

_If you both want to_. He knows that Robb wants to. And fuck, it’s not that he doesn’t. He does. He’s wanted to for a long while, even from before they actually got together, but risking bringing Robb down with him in an ocean of worrying and prescriptions, where you know what CD4 count means (well, Robb does, but that’s not the point) and you wake up every day hoping that it never goes below two hundred just because of something they haven’t done for eight months while managing to have a relationship regardless doesn’t seem worth it.

Then again, it’s not like Robb has to know, if he eventually decides that it’s not the case.

He breathes in and grabs a packet, then heads for the check-out with his prescription in hand.

“Look at who’s here,” comes from behind the counter. “How did it go?”

So, his sister is the only person in his family that he still talks to, but since they barely manage to see each other and the pharmacy she works at is near his workplace, he buys his meds here, if only so that they have a chance to talk to each other more than once each month.

“Same values as before. She said it’s good,” he shrugs as Asha comes behind the counter - she had been restocking some shelf in the back.

“Then why are you looking that gloomy? Are you here to re-stock?”

“Yeah. Give me two weeks’ worth, will you? And - add this.”

He puts the condoms on the corner.

She looks down at the packet and then up at him, and the last thing he expects is for her to smirk knowingly. _What?_

“I see that you’re at least thinking about growing a pair?”

“… Sorry?”

“Little brother, don’t even try to deny it. You’ve been wanting to tap that ass for years, and it’s probably a good thing that you were friends first, but if you’re thinking about it at least it’s a step in the right direction.”

“It’s not - I mean, uhm, you do realize that it might cause some problems?”

Asha shakes her head and goes towards the back - she comes back a couple of minutes later bringing his meds.

“See,” she says as she starts checking them out, “while I do realize the risks, I also realize that if you take enough precautions he’s not going to catch it. And regardless of whatever that asshole whose name I won’t even pronounce somehow managed to make you believe, it wasn’t your fault that he got infected and it definitely was _his_ fault if you did. Now be aware that this is the first and last time we have this bloody conversation.”

“… All right?”

Asha puts his meds in a paper bag and checks out the condoms. “You’ve been holding up remarkably well for now, and regardless of what dad or our brothers think, Stark is probably the best thing that’s happened to you, and if you want to tap that ass with the necessary precautions, then you fucking should. Don’t deprive yourself of shit you want if you can have it. And this is going to be four pounds fifty.”

Theon pays wordlessly for the condoms and then takes the bag. “I’ll think about it. And don’t say hi to dad for me when you see him next, all right?”

“It wouldn’t even cross my mind. And don’t say hi to Stark from me either, since he was here some fifteen minutes before you got here.”

“What? He came here?”

“Yes, to re-stock on your meds, too - you know he has a copy of that prescription, yes? I guess you’re covered for the next month. Seriously, you two couldn’t be more married if you tried. And get your ass to work instead of gaping at me.”

“Sure, Asha, sure.” He totally flips his middle finger at her as he leaves, but it’s pretty much habit by now.

And to be entirely honest, he’s kind of glad that his sister has just kept on treating him the same way she always did, more or less. Maybe at times she’s less of a jerk, but not enough that it makes a difference, and at least knowing that someone he’s related to hasn’t classified him as a failure whose number had to be deleted from the address book isn’t something he’s ever going to complain about.

He’s never getting over the fact that his sister and Robb actually became civil with each other throughout the last two years instead of just ignoring their respective presence, but at least one good thing came out of this mess, didn’t it? He sighs before wrapping his scarf around his neck and heading straight for work - at this rate, he’ll be barely on time.

3.

He gets to the _Narrow Sea_ , the pub he works at, with fifteen minutes to spare, and since it’s a quarter to six it’s not full yet - good, it means he can actually take a moment in the bathroom and wash his face before going out bartending. Not that it had been his first career choice a while ago, but this particular job pays pretty decently and - well, his father had made clear that he wasn’t going to be able to work for his bloody company anymore after giving him the news. The whole part where he broke up with his former great boyfriend turned abusive controlling freak and who, by the way, is the reason his blood tests said HIV positive, had meant that he had spent a few months jobless and not in the best place he could find himself mentally, to put it mildly. And when he had started looking for jobs again… well, it might not be the early nineties anymore, but people still have a fucking lot of prejudices and after thirty refusals he had been this close to throwing the towel. He applied here out of desperation and the moment the owner had told him that he was taking him on a trial and that he couldn’t care either way about his blood tests if he was good at it, it had seemed a miracle.

“Theon? Can I talk to you a moment?”

Just as he was thinking about him. Mr. Seaworth ( _but please call me Davos_ ), said owner, is currently standing on the door of the backroom where employees go change or smoke or taking phone calls during their break - Theon went there just to leave his bag and his coat.

“Sure. Is there some problem?”

“No, none. But since you actually told me why you wanted to switch that shift, it’s only polite if I ask how it went, right?”

“Oh. Good. I mean, nothing changed and the values are all in the right place, so the trial apparently worked. I’m going back in another six months, but she said it looked fine, so - that.”

“You do know that you could have taken the day off, right?”

Yeah, he knew that perfectly. He’s known since he got the days off and he was paid for them the first week he was on the new medication and felt nauseous whenever he stood up. The fact that his boss is apparently too nice to be real is another reason why he’s perfectly fine with this particular job. “Yes, but - I mean, I’m fine. I don’t need the day off. Really. I’m good. I’ll just need five in an hour because that’s usually the time I take some of those meds, but other than that -”

“Sure, just tell Devan to get the orders - five minutes away from the register won’t kill him. See you at closing time.”

He walks out of the room in his jeans and plaid shirt and while Theon takes off his scarf he spares a moment for feeling extremely thankful that he’s working here. It’s also depressing that his boss cares about his health more than his dad does, but he figures there’s no point in dwelling on it. Well, fine, he has six hours of serving beer and french fries in front of him before he can go home - he might as well go.

As far as evening shifts go it’s pretty quiet - helps that it’s Wednesday and not the week-end, but he’s still dead tired when he puts his coat back on, tells goodnight to both Davos and his fourteen-year old kid who’s currently manning the register and walks out on the street. It’s cold, but he doesn’t have to be out in it for long - he sees Robb’s car parked at the corner and fine, he probably looks like an idiot, but he’s kind of smiling to himself as he heads straight for it, keeping his paper bag in his hands.

He gets on the passenger seat - Robb was reading a book, but he throws it in the back the moment he opens the door.

“Hey,” he says when he’s sitting down, leaning forward to catch a quick kiss, and Theon has no clue of how he can sound this glad to be driving him at bloody midnight. “Did you have any problems at work?”

“No. All clear.” He’s not asking about the blood tests, but then again Theon texted him when he got out of the hospital. “My sister doesn’t say hi.”

“How considerate of her.” Robb puts the car in gear as he shakes his head fondly and drives toward home, and Theon is about to ask if he’s really sure about this sleeping together thing, but in the end he doesn’t and decides he can do that later.

4.

It’s past one AM when they finally are both into bed - it took Robb ages to find a place to park and Theon had waited another twenty minutes before he managed to change and brush his teeth with the ridiculous mint-flavored toothpaste that he can’t apparently stop using.

He waits until Robb gets under the covers and puts an arm around his waist to ask the damn question - and he shouldn’t, because he has to take his next dose of meds at eight thirty and he really should get some sleep by now, but he knows it’s not going to happen until it’s out in the open.

“Robb?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Since when you’re searching for permission to ask me something? Shoot.”

“Are you still - I mean, that conversation we had after your sister’s birthday party.”

Robb doesn’t answer for a moment, but then Theon can feel him nodding against his neck. “I remember it.”

“Do you still want to?”

A moment later, Robb forces him to turn over and turns on the small bedside lamp on his side - it’s enough light and can look at each other like this. “Did something suggest you that I changed my mind?”

“… No, but - really? All right, just - back then, I don’t think I wanted to for a whole lot of reasons. Right now, maybe not so much. But why would you even want to risk it?”

“Are you saying that you’re considering it?”

“I’m saying that it’s not worth it.”

Robb gives him a weird stare, as if he’s trying to work out his reasoning, but then he seems to get it and he sits up against the headboard. “All right, just tell me what exactly are you trying to say here. I think I got the gist of it, but humor me.”

Right. Robb won’t pass on any occasion to make him speak out loud about this kind of shit, and he wishes he kept his mouth shut, but at some point it was bound to happen. “I know that there are precautions. But something can always go wrong, there will always be a risk that you might get it and one of us is already one too many. And - shit, Robb, I’m perfectly aware that I could be doing a lot worse than I am right now, and I’m not - I wouldn’t be doing half as good if it weren’t for you and you know that. Fine, maybe I’m thinking about it, but then - we did fine until now, didn’t we? But - it’s something I can do without against the chance that you might end up where I am right now and no, I don’t think it’s worth it. You don’t want this. You really don’t. And I’m not -”

“Don’t ever try to finish that sentence with _I’m not going to repeat history_ or any variation of that.”

“Then that’s it.”

He doesn’t even look up at Robb after he gets it out, but then Robb’s hand closes around his arm and he drags him upwards so that they’re sitting next to each other, and when Theon’s back is up against the headboard as well he moves his arm around his waist while his free left hand grabs Theon’s right, and damn but Theon is never going to get over the way Robb looks at him at times. Like this one.

“You are aware that we could have sex without me even being in danger, do you? Well, obviously it’d mean ruling out certain things, but I can think of enough options. But other than that - listen, I don’t want to force you into it. We should do it just if you’re sure, and it doesn’t look to me like it’s the case, but I just want you to have a couple of things straight. All right?”

“… All right.”

“First: don’t ever try to compare yourself to your lousy ex-boyfriend. For one, I’m perfectly aware of what I’d be getting into if we actually went there, and I don’t remember it being your case two years ago. That he hadn’t known that either isn’t the point and you know it. Second: I know what this implies, all right? I’m not going into it without an idea of what could happen if it goes wrong. Just - if at some point you want to, then I’m here and if we ever do it we’re going to take every precaution that ever existed. If you don’t, then it’s fine either way.”

“If it’s fine either way why does it even make a difference?”

Robb sends him an almost fond look before his thumb starts tracing the back of Theon’s hand.

“Answer me this. Would we be having sex right now if it was without any risk?”

“… Yes, but -”

“I’m fine with the way it is. But it doesn’t have to change things that we could still be doing. I’m an adult, I can make my own choices, and I’m willing if you are. It doesn’t have to go wrong. Heck, I think I can come up with at least a couple of options where I couldn’t catch it even if I was trying to - just think about it and worry about yourself.”

There are moments when Robb just comes up with things that Theon has no possible answer to, or at least that he can’t come up with at the moment, and so he closes the distance between them and kisses him instead, the two of them slowly moving downwards under the covers again as they do, and damn but he could kiss Robb for hours if he wasn’t this damn tired - as it is, it goes on for a handful of minutes before he lays his head on Robb’s shoulder and relishes in the way Robb’s hands feel as they run along his back.

Robb falls asleep first and Theon is this close to, but he just can’t stop thinking about it.

The thing is, he’s never let himself consider the option for real. After the diagnosis and the break up, he had just assumed that sex was a closed chapter for him. He wasn’t going to go back to having all the casual sex he used to have before he tried doing real relationships - no point in putting some stranger’s life at risk just to get off, and it wasn’t as if he had imagined that he’d end up in a serious relationship again. He misses it, of course - he used to enjoy it, casual or not, and while he had bigger problems to deal with, it always stung. To be honest, he doesn’t particularly like to remember the last time he actually had sex with someone - it had been with Ramsay after the shit had already hit the fan and he hated every moment of it, and that had been the reason why he had finally gone and left, good riddance to him. He’s not sure that he wants to die with _that_ as his last memory of having sex with anyone, but the same reasoning applied - the reasons in favor were always nothing in comparison to the ones against. He’s been assuming that for so long that now knowing that he actually could do it again isn’t quite feeling right, as if it’s still something he really shouldn’t consider.

And still, he imagines actually going farther than kissing and grinding without taking clothes off or the occasional handjob. Just the idea of Robb’s hands touching him below the waist for real is enough to make him shiver slightly, and he really should stop here before he has to go take a cold shower at two in the morning. The other major thing is that the very reason why Robb is the last person on this planet he wants to risk getting the virus is also the one why there’s no one else he’d want to have sex with if he could. (There’s a reason why he was the first person he told. Or the first person he called after breaking up with Ramsay.) His sister isn’t completely wrong when she says that he’s been wanting to from before they actually were an item. Even if he never let himself acknowledge it, also because it’s not like he thought he’d ever have a sex life with anyone except his right hand regardless since the moment he decided that it wasn’t worth it.

Fuck, he wants to, there’s no way he’s going to lie to himself about this. Rationally, he knows that the circumstances are different - he hasn’t slept with a random (positive) stranger after one of those fights that anyone in a relationship has at some point, he hasn’t come home and had make-up sex without even knowing that he was infected himself - but he’s never quite managed to forget that last fight they had before Theon slammed the door and left. (The one where Ramsay had screamed in his face that it was all _his_ fault anyway, he wouldn’t have gone out and slept with a stranger if they hadn’t been fighting and Theon had started it - Theon doesn’t even remember if it really had gone like that, but at the time he couldn’t either and he had just assumed that he was in the wrong.)

_Stop that_ , he tells himself as he takes a breath and hooks his ankle around Robb’s. _It wasn’t your fault, having a fight isn’t exactly a reason to sleep with someone else in the first place and you’re doing the best you can out of it - don’t go there. You already wasted too much time on it._

He eventually falls asleep, though it’s not deep - when his alarm rings at ten to seven, he feels as if he barely slept ten minutes. Well, at least he has the day off. He leaves the bed trying not to succumb to the urge of staying in it and goes to the bathroom.

He takes his meds and then goes back to bed - he might as well take advantage of the fact that Robb doesn’t have an early shift today (that’s why he put the alarm this early - it’s usually when Robb has to be up most of the time and since he usually wakes Theon up too, he might as well take the meds since he’s awake already).

“Let me guess,” Robb says the moment Theon crawls back under the covers, “you slept three hours at most and you spent the rest of the time thinking about things that you didn’t get wrong?”

Theon doesn’t even try not to roll his eyes. “Why do you need to ask me if you know that already?”

“Just reassuring myself on how predictable you can get.”

“I’m not -”

“You are. You were born predictable. The only thing I don’t know is whether you want to talk about it or no.”

Good point. Theon sighs as Robb wraps an arm around him, the covers providing warmth all over again. He thinks they have another hour at least. Good. The sun is barely visible out of the window - damn if this isn’t a shitty time to wake up in early December.

“Answer me one thing.”

“Sure.”

“How do you do it? I mean, I’ve known you for all my life and I think I can safely guess if you mean something or not. I know that when you say that it doesn’t matter you mean it, but - fuck, Robb, it has to matter. You’re not that stupid.”

“It matters, but not as much as you think. It’s that - all right. Regardless of what your father thinks, you’re a person who happens to have a virus, not a walking time bomb that might explode at any second and infect everyone else. Fine. It changed some things. It’s always going to affect them one way or the other. Meanwhile, you’re still the same idiot who came to sleepovers in my room when we were seven and couldn’t put on a couple of socks for his cold feet and who still can’t, and who should fucking learn how to use the dishwasher - if that isn’t making me regret my choices, then nothing will.”

Theon can’t help punching him in the side at that, even if he’s doing it just so that Robb doesn’t notice how relieved he actually feels.

“You could have picked a less complicated one, you know. I should never let you buy anything that I have to use, too.”

“If I had been waiting for you, we’d still be without.”

“You wound me, Stark.”

“Just shut it,” Robb sighs fondly before kissing him, probably to make sure that he does keep his mouth shut, and Theon doesn’t even try to stop him - he moves closer so that they’re pressed up next to each other, and he moans into it when Robb’s hands cup his cheeks.

For a moment he thinks, _do I really need more_? This is good, this is better than anything he ever thought he’d have two years ago, this is more than he could ask for, and still - for a moment he goes back to what he had been thinking just a few hours before. Robb’s hands moving downwards and maybe undressing him along the way, maybe while they’re still kissing, and then - Robb is right, there are things they could do that would be virtually without risk that aren’t the handjobs that they’ve exchanged at most.

It’s not that he needs it, he doesn’t, but maybe letting himself have it just because he can isn’t as selfish as he had thought until this point. And maybe Brienne wasn’t entirely wrong. He doesn’t have to let this control his life or a part of it, and he’s done a pretty decent job of it in every other sense. He waits until Robb moves away and drags the covers above the both of them - he can barely see his face now. There’s just a tiny sliver of light coming in from Theon’s bedside lamp. It’s so warm and cozy that he could probably go back to sleep without too much effort, and fuck knows he needs it, but he can do that later when Robb leaves.

“Seriously,” Robb says a moment later. “Don’t kill what’s left of your brain thinking about this.”

“Hey!”

“I mean it. It’s nothing anyone has to do. If it’s more of a problem than else then it’s not even worth -”

“No, no. It’s - I think I want it, too.”

For a moment, Robb doesn’t say anything, but then Theon feels him moving closer.

“You mean -”

“I mean that I want to. But just - just whatever you deem not just virtually without risk, all right? After - well, _after_ , I had just assumed it wasn’t something that I’d do again at some point. I can get over that. I can’t get over the part where I don’t want you needing a blood test at any point, all right? I mean it, Robb, you aren’t -”

He’s silenced a moment later when Robb kisses him again without even letting him finish, his ankle hooking around Theon’s at the bottom of the bed - it’s all so nice and warm and soft, and maybe he should try to milk the moment if only so that they won’t have to lose time talking when they could spend it kissing, but at some point they have to part. He feels short of breath, but then again the covers are entirely over their head now. He raises one slightly, cold air hitting his face for a moment, and then he lets it fall again, in time to see Robb looking at him in that way that always makes his knees tremble - or used to in the beginning.

“I solemnly swear that I’m not going to take any unnecessary risks and that it’s not going to backfire on the two of us.”

“Robb -”

“Theon. I’m not going to fuck it up and you aren’t either.”

“You sound remarkably sure.”

“Maybe it’s because I am sure. Seriously.”

He shrugs and pulls down the covers enough that he can see Robb properly - a part of him wishes he hadn’t, but he knows that this is the kind of conversation where you should pay someone the courtesy of looking at them in the face.

“You know, I don’t - I have no clue why I’m just so hung-up about this. I know that it doesn’t have to backfire. When I decided I was done with casual sex I didn’t do it exactly because I chose to, it was a necessity. I have no fucking reason to do this. Logically.”

“Can I tell you something in earnest? Not because we’re dating. More because I’ve known you since first grade.”

“Well, shoot.”

“You’re expecting your dad to be right about his stupid assumptions, and since until this point you really haven’t done a thing that might qualify as _doing this wrong_ , you’re just expecting that this will be the time you do. And since incidentally I’m involved, you’re just freaking out even more than necessary.”

His first instinct is telling Robb that he’s full of shit, but then he stops to think about it for one moment and -

Damn.

Maybe Robb isn’t too full of shit.

“Don’t even try to say that I’m being too optimistic. Shit, it’s not like you got it because you were irresponsible. You’re taking care of yourself, you haven’t quit looking for jobs after the first - how many, twenty-five times that they told you no, and you’re keeping it under control. Seems to me like I have no reason to think you’ll fuck it up, and if you really don’t trust yourself then just let me do all the work the first time. If you trust me to.”

“When did you get the memo that I might not?” Theon asks, trying not to sound as if he’s swallowing some kind of lump. Of course he trusts him. He might not trust himself at times but Robb is an entirely other matter - why the hell wouldn’t he trust the one person that has never let him down once in his life? “Of course I do.”

“Good. Then do it. And - damn, is it seven thirty already?”

“You still have a good half an hour, you know.”

“Yeah, but - oh fuck it. You know what, how about I take a day off, we get out of bed when we both can’t stand it anymore and go catch a movie or something? I can buy you dinner.”

“Why, is that a date?”

“Am I forbidden to ask you out?”

“Please do, Stark.”

Robb punches him in the side before grabbing his cellphone, and a minute later he’s back under the covers, his hands on Theon’s waist again.

“All right then, will you do me the honor of letting me take you out for dinner this evening or am I presuming too much?”

“Oh, fuck you, I might just let you. Make it worth my while, won’t you?”

“I’ll give you my best effort.” Robb doesn’t waste time after that, his mouth covering Theon’s gently.

They haven’t done anything like that in a while, Theon realizes. Between work, the new medication and the related side-effects and everything else they haven’t had time for that kind of thing, and he’s kind of really liking the prospect. They can spend the day lazying around and maybe after they go out Theon could actually tell the whole truth and give Robb the bag with the condoms in it that is currently under the table in the living room, and for the first time the thought isn’t filling him with dread. He can do it, he can have it, and maybe with time the voice telling him that he doesn’t deserve it is going to shut up for good.

For now, he ignores it, kisses Robb a bit harder and lets himself look forward to it.

5\. 

It goes so well that he doesn’t even think about it twice. They’re kissing as Robb shuts the door behind him, and the go on for a bit longer when it’s closed, but when they part Theon feels just so lightheaded and good that he doesn’t let himself dwell on it - he reaches for the paper bag and thrusts it at Robb.

Robb looks down at the content and his lips curl up in a small grin. “When did you get these?”

“Yesterday. I mean, I figured that in case I decided it was a bad idea I’d just put them away somewhere, but - yeah. Well. There you go.”

“So - right now?”

“… Why not? No time like the present, right? And before you ask me, I’m sure about this. Well. With the small print.”

He doesn’t know that he had tensed up until Robb moves up behind him and puts his arms around his waist and he follows his instinct to relax back into it.

“That’s fine. I have the small print covered.” Robb kisses his neck and nods towards the bedroom. “Should we?”

“Okay. Okay, fine, let’s.”

They stumble inside the room and Robb pushes him down slowly on the bed, leaning down for another kiss before he moves away and starts taking off his coat and shoes. Theon does the same, but he stops when he’s down to his shirt and jeans.

Robb still has the condoms in hand.

“Well then,” he says, going for his bedside drawer. “I’m almost sure that for what I have in mind these aren’t necessary, but you never know. So I’m going to put mine on and then I’m going to put it on you, and then I just want you to lean back and enjoy it, all right?”

Theon likes the tone, but he’s not entirely sure about what Robb has just suggested. “You want to go down on me? I mean, I guess that if I have a condom it’s fine, but -”

“That’s really not what I had in mind. Don’t worry and wait a moment.”

He takes off his shirt and clothes, and - woah, was he already getting hard from just kissing before?

Robb grabs one of the packets and then something from the bedside drawer. Which - wait.

“Lube? Robb, if it breaks -”

“Relax. I’m not going to do that either. Well. Not exactly.”

He kneels behind Theon and starts unlacing his shirt - Theon shivers as Robb’s fingers run against his chest after he undoes every button, and then Robb throws the shirt away and his hands go to Theon’s shoulders.

When he starts kneading circles into them, Theon moans out loud without even being able to keep it to himself. “What -” he rasps, but Robb’s fingers move a bit downwards and it’s swallowed by another moan.

“I’m making sure you’re not as tense as a live wire. Not to mention that your muscles are so tense you could cut something with them. Easy.”

He lets Robb do it, moaning softly as he kneads through his entire backside and until he feels like falling down on the bed like a quivering mess. And they haven’t even touched properly, for fuck’s sake. Robb smiles as he moves in front of him and takes off his jeans and underwear slowly - the massage did do its job and Theon is half-hard too, though not overtly so. Robb tears apart one of the condom packages he had on the nightstand and rolls it on him, then does the same to himself and then he lays down next to him, his hand placing itself on Theon’s hip.

“Now,” he says, “I put these on in case we get carried in the heat of the moment or something like that, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re going to be the only person who touches your dick. And same for me. Unless you want me to, but it’s going to be just a hand.”

“But then -”

“My other hand is going to be a stand-in. And I’ve never heard of anyone getting sick by using their fingers. That good enough for you?”

Oh. Right, Theon thinks as his head threatens to start spinning. That would definitely qualify as _no risk involved_ , and Robb would need lube for it, and fuck but the moment he thinks about it he feels arousal sneaking up on him. “Seal of approval for you, Stark.”

“Nice. Turn over then.”

He does in a moment, figuring that maybe the first time it would be easier in this position, but the last thing he expects is for Robb to start kissing his way down his spine. He doesn’t have a chance to ask - he likes the feeling so much that he can barely keep himself coherent. He breathes in as Robb kisses his right hip first and the left later and his mouth trails along the small of his back a moment later. It’s just so nice, and Robb isn’t speeding this up - he’s taking all the time he thinks he needs and Theon is about to explode after maybe five minutes of his back being covered in small kisses and Robb’s hands still trailing along it. He’s going to be crazy sensitive by the point Robb actually gets down to business, which is probably Robb’s target, but he also kind of doesn’t want Robb to stop. It’s all so careful and dedicated and still damn arousing at the same time that he thinks he might burst, and then he hears Robb reach out for the lube - he hears the cap pop open.

Fuck. Yes. He’s never really relished the feeling much, before - fingers were usually something like an obligatory step to go through quickly. But now he thinks about coming just from it and he almost wants to tell Robb to hurry the fuck up, except that Robb is sucking a hickey into his hip and he’s not much for coherent thought by now.

Then he feels Robb moving upwards, and he lays next to him again while still keeping a hand on his hip.

“Right. I’m going to start in a moment. Any last minute thoughts?”

“Not really.”

Robb kisses him then, quick but effective, and then he leans back another time.

“If you want to stop, just say it. Got it?”

“Got it, but I doubt I will.”

Robb smiles before leaning down again and kissing the back of his neck.

And not even a minute later his fingertips are touching his entrance.

He moans shamelessly as Robb circles it, just that. Shit, it’s been so long since someone else touched him like this, he thinks he’s about to lose it and they barely even started. When Robb’s slick finger goes inside up to the first knuckle, he feels blood rushing to his face and forces himself to take deep breaths and to avoid the urge to touch himself - he wants to draw this out as much as he can.

Then Robb moves his finger back before pushing it halfway inside and shit, he’s going slow so Theon can feel the slight burn of it, but it’s good, it doesn’t really hurt and he thinks they can speed this up. At least slightly.

“You can add another,” he manages to say, feeling ridiculously short of breath. “I’m good. I am.”

“Patience,” Robb says, and Theon isn’t even looking at him but he knows that he’s smirking, but then he doesn’t disappoint - he takes his fingers out and then pushes inside him with two. He goes excruciatingly slow, and everything is so slick that it barely hurts - Theon is about to tell him to just get on with it when Robb moves them back a bit and then almost shoves them forward.

He screams. He doesn’t even care that their neighbors must have heard him - his blood is beyond boiling right now and he’s not even sure that he’s going to last if Robb keeps this up.

Then Robb bends his fingers just slightly and he arches up against them, not even thinking before he does, and he knows he’s saying Robb’s name out loud but he can barely keep his thoughts straight.

“More?” Robb asks from somewhere behind him.

“Yes,” he croaks, but Robb doesn’t do it at once - he keeps on just using two for a bit, pushing forward slowly and then back, and then he takes his fingers away for longer than a few seconds.

When three knuckles press inside, he bites down on the pillow so that he really doesn’t scream too loud, but fuck it feels good - Robb is still going so slow and his fingers are so slick, and when they slide in he still feels the burn but not overtly so. He’s about to tell Robb to just get on with it, and then he starts moving his fingers back and forward quickly, hitting his prostate almost mercilessly for the circumstances, and every time he does he feels waves of pleasure shooting up through his spine and he almost wants to cry for how good this feels.

“Fuck,” he says against the pillow, “fuck, Robb, I’m this close, I can’t -”

“Need a hand?” Robb asks, and he sounds hoarse as well.

“Shit, _yes_ , please, I just - Robb, fuck.” The bastard shouldn’t have pushed inside again, and as deep as he can go.

Then Robb takes his fingers away and turns him on his back, his hand going on Theon’s cock - he’s hard now, so much that he feels like he could burst if Robb just gave him a stroke or two. He spreads his legs without even thinking about it, and when he feels Robb’s fingertip press inside again he moans out loud shamelessly.

“All right,” Robb says. “All right, here, that’s good. I’m going. You’d better enjoy it.”

And then the bastard winks before pushing two fingers inside and giving his cock a long stroke at the same time, and that’s just too fucking much - at the third stroke or so he feels it as he comes, his hips arching up, and he doesn’t have time to wish that he could feel Robb’s hand against his cock rather than Robb’s hand through latex - it doesn’t even matter, not when Robb’s fingers are still buried inside him and when he can’t stop shaking, and if this is what sex with compromises means then he’s totally down with it, and then he’s moaning out Robb’s name as he still comes, and by then he’s well beyond coherent thought.

The last thing he feels before he passes out is Robb’s fingers caressing his hip, and after that he just lets himself bask in the feeling.

The first thing he feels when he blinks his eyes open is Robb’s hand carding through his hair. The first one he notices, is that he’s not wearing a condom anymore and neither is Robb, and they’re both completely spent.

“What - how -”

“I took care of it. Well, and I took care of myself too, but don’t worry about that.”

Oh. Damn. “Shit, you could have waited, you know.”

“Why? I mean, I could have, but this really wasn’t about me. You can return the favor next time, though.”

He can’t stop himself from grinning when Robb says _next time_. “Wow. Right, I’m going to give it to you, that was - beyond great. And - uhm, nothing went wrong after I passed out, right?”

“No. Calm down. After it went _that_ well, I took care of myself, then I took both condoms off and then I went to wash my hands with scorching hot water, and then I put on some disinfectant on as well. No one started bleeding. Nothing went wrong. Are we good?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we are. Next time I want to return the favor though.”

“You’d better,” Robb answers.

As they kiss meeting halfway, he’s not thinking about what could have gone wrong at all.

End


End file.
